Fashion for Food

Last weekend I was a model in a benefit fashion show featuring designers and boutiques from Nebraska, called Fashion for Food. The proceeds of the show went to fund Lincoln's Backpack Program, which distributes over 2,000 backpacks to students so they dont have to go hungry on the weekends because they rely on school meal programs during the week.

I was in the local Lincoln paper here

I think it's kinda funny! And fun. It says "Model Tyler Henry..." haha.

2.12.09

A couple weeks ago I found an unlocked hatch in a sidewalk here at Union. I went back late at night in the cover of darkness. I opened it to reveal underground tunnels that snaked around to every building on campus! It was really cool! In the picture above I'm sqeezing through a tight space past a locked door meant to keep me out (how silly of them to think that would stop me!).

I get so confused sometimes. Just when I start to think I have something maybe figured out, my heart yells out and I pull back, deciding I need to further think about it. The longings I have to do something purposeful and selfless are strong. Yet I'm so self focused, and I know the remedy to this...giving of myself, id est, not living for me.

I like to look good. I like to have nice things --clothes, watches, cologne, art --but I feel a lot of guilt for having said nice things, when they aren't things I need to live.

I feel the need to be closer to home, and to have a dog, but at the same time to go overseas again.

I don't yet know how I can balance these two things.

I want to be this guy, helping the kid. He's a part of Tiny Hands International, check it out.

But I don't know if my heart can take any more. I start tearing up anytime I think about my kids in Majuro. I can't read the letters they wrote to me before I left without crying. Part of my heart is still there, and I don't know how I could do it again.

I have money sitting in a bank account, and I can't bring myself to spend it on things I like, because they aren't necessity, and yet I want to have money for the future so I can be a provider, and still it bothers me to no end that it just sits there, not being used, when I could be donating it to help stop trafficking of women and children, and feeding people that don't have anything. I need to create balance. I know I can have both. I can have peace.

10.18.09

I feel SPLIT. I feel restless.

One self wants to go overseas again, when I finish in December.

The other self wants to put down some roots in the Northwest, closer to family.

When I was overseas a couple years ago I remember wanting to wait until I was married to go again, but with time one forgets the reasons you felt so strongly about some things.

I feel both selves so strongly.

In both I'm seeking community, God, adventure, relationship.

I need to pray about it.

I bought a coat last week. I feel guilty about it. I don't need it. I have coats, a couple of them. I'll probably take it back.

I'm tired of how self-focused school is. My fervor is waning.

I sound down-in-the-dumps, I'm not. Just contemplative.

Here's a nice picture to brighten the page:

9.28.09

I went to bed at six-thirty last night. It was so good. I woke up at 1:00 am wide awake, thinking about what to do next.

So, my goal this week was to turn orange, or yellow, rather. I decided that for five days I was going to eat carrots, oranges, orange juice, and sweet potatoes, just to see how yellow my skin would turn. A friend thought it also a great idea, and we set out to embark on a beautiful journey together. After two days of being hungry non-stop, I decided it wasn't so beautiful after all.

I learned something about myself this week that I already kinda knew, but wasn't so overly aware of: I lack self-discipline. I'm not very good at completing things I don't like doing.

Oh, Prosperous Night

It was a prosperous night. Every Monday night, after I'm done with gymnastics, I go for a bike ride. Why Monday? Well, you see, Monday is trash day in the surrounding Lincoln area. Why at night? Well, I need the cover of darkness to go through people's trash. It's as simple as that. I'm really keen on going through people's things and uncovering interesting tchotchkes in the trash. It's completely invigorating and exhilarating to me.

Tonight I found a wrought iron coffee table stand, two silk ferns, a glass dish and an old letter.

The letter was written to Jack, from Gram (Grandma). Not my grandma, but Jack's. When I read it I felt like I was the recipient, like Gram just wrote the wrong name at the top and in the address line. She told me I was a good young man, to forgive myself for the mistakes made and move on. She advised me to do the best I can and make good choices, and to say my prayers before I go to sleep.

It was a hearty letter, with sound advice: forgive yourself, move on, start again, and make God a priority.

other finds: new headboard and little table

09.27.09

I have a new bike. It's hard to believe what people throw away. I can't believe how wasteful people are, but in this case I'm kinda excited:

05.20.09

Another year finished.  It feels good to be done and I'm really excited to be working at camp this summer.  I just got back from spending 10 days in Canada with a family that I've become good friends with this year.  I went up in the CN tower, took the subway, and de-stressed from school.

I'm still in Lincoln, and just enjoying my free time.  I've been having picnics, playing outside, riding my bike around town, reading, and playing rook.  The other day, while exploring downtown,  I found an unlocked door in a cool building that led to a hatch on the top of the building.  

Tonight I'm going to go to a Kindergarten graduation!  It'll be fun!

04.05.09

Time goes by so quickly.   The year is almost over.  I only have four or five weeks of school left.  It's snowing outside today, and I'm inside making licorice root tea.   Two weeks and a couple days ago I was sitting at the beach in the Bahamas.   I got to swim with sharks, live for a week without carrying around a cellphone, I got play at the beach, do gymnastics, and be with people 24/7.  I was miserably sick with the flu, but it was wonderful.  I've come to realize just how much I like being around people.  I would rather be around people all the time than anything else.  I don't know why I ever went through with the bright idea to have an apartment to myself!  Next year I'll have a roommate or two, that's for sure!  Speaking of my apartment, here's a picture of it.  And I uploaded more pictures to my Flickr account, so click on one of the pictures down on the right and take a look!

01.28.09

Sometimes I'm easily distracted.  Some things take me a long time to get done, and sometimes it takes me a long time to figure something out in life.

The last 9 months of my life have been the hardest I've ever experienced.  I've struggled with deep loneliness and had a hard time finding joy, happiness and contentment.  After talking to a good friend I realized that I've been trying to make life how it used to be and trying to not accept how it is different now and that I'm different now.  I wanted life to be how it was my junior year in college when I was never lonely and was always surrounded by fun and close-knit people, and when I never struggled with joy or happiness.  

I'm beginning to accept how hard things have been for me this year and accept that things can't be the exact same as they used to be, and learning that I wouldn't even want it to be the same anymore.  A good friend and mentor told me, "You'll find new joys and new sources of happiness as life changes."  

I feel like I'm in a better place than I have been in a long time.  For so long I've been distracted by the sin that enters my life, all the darts that the devil throws at me, but I'm changing my focus now.  I'm trying to not let anything distract me from my God.

It took me a while to figure this out, but I'm learning and I'm growing, and that's what it's all about.  We're all on a journey.  There is joy in the journey, sometimes it's just harder to find.

I haven't blogged in a long time, and I feel a bit too vulnerable, but honesty is what it's all about, right?  

2/2/09

It's been several months, but I'm back to a place where I feel I can start blogging again.  

yes, it's been a while.  yesterday as I was sitting in counseling theories class while we talked about grief I realized I'm in the grieving process.  I miss majuro so much.  I wish I was still there living the kind of life I had last year.

hello. well, i've been thinking a lot.  as i've said before, it's been hard for me adjusting to "normal life."  When I left for Majuro I had the impression that I would have ample time to "figure things out."  I did have ample time, I had tons of time on that small island, but I didn't really figure anything out.  I came back more confused about life and myself than I've ever been.  It's a good thing, I guess, to be thinking about things, but it doesn't feel good.  It's painful.  

School is hard for me.  Not because because i'm a dummy, but because I just don't feel very fulfilled.  I was more fulfilled teaching last year in Majuro than I am right now.

I was expecting Union to be some sort of saviour to me--having friends, being in community with other people my age again--but it's not doing it for me.  I don't have a community anymore.   I don't really have any friends here anymore, besides a couple, I guess.  I thought being here would be good for me.  Maybe this is good for me, I don't know.  But I'm not really enjoying it.  

Sorry to all of you expecting to read some exciting story of how great I'm doing, but that just wouldn't be true.  I'm not doing that great right now.   And that is okay, because I know it won't be like this forever.

  

Homiletics Changed My Life!!

It's true.  Never before has a class so profoundly impacted me .  You may be asking, "How can it be?  Didn't school just start today?"  Well, you're right, school did just start today.  Since I just love telling stories, let me tell you one now:

Ok, scratch the story thing.  I don't like telling stories ( I was being facetious when I said I love telling stories) .  I'm not gifted with speech, so I just don't like telling stories.  Which is interesting because today, while sitting in Homiletics, I was asked by my teacher if I like telling stories, to which I replied, "no, not at all."    He then said how the best preacher is one that tells stories. That really got me thinking.  Why am I doing Religion?  I don't like telling stories, so I probably wouldn't make that great a preacher, plus I don't want to be a preacher.  And I don't even like religion.  I like God, and spirituality, but not all this unpractical mumbo jumbo information about religion and how to run an effective board meeting.  I may be over exaggerating a bit, sometimes I do that, but really, I don't want to be a Religion Major.   I'm not even sure I want to be here at Union, but that's a completely diferent topic, of which I may bring up later.

So, to summarize, Homiletics changed my life!!! (partly because it was horrible).  Tomorrow I'm going to change my Major.  To what?  Yeah.....about that.....

new update

this is how it really looks now

apartment Update

This is what it looks like

my (new to me) bike

This is my new bike (new to me).  I LOVE it (it was free, besides the tire I had to replace. I found it abandoned, in a patch of ominous weeds).  I ride it everywhere.  It's amazing, to say the least.  My bike has not only carried this young bloke around these last few days, but also my large treasures (id est furniture) I've been finding around town in the trash! (people are very wasteful).  I crashed (gracefully) once; my bike skills are in the process of growing.

This day was one of the best days I've had since being back in the states.  I saw some of best people in the world (of course they're from camp).  These kids are just a few of them.

my chairs

I might spray paint the yellow one....

My New Address is:

5020 Bancroft Ave. Apt. D

Lincoln, NE  68506

Please feel free to send me things....really, anytime.  I like mail a lot.

Apartment Video

apartment

This is the only thing I don't like about my apartment:   the carpet....

07/21/08

I'm home now.  It's been about a month and a half, and things just seem to get harder and harder.  Normally I try to say things eloquently and thoughtfully, but right now I just want to say it straight up, and in short, choppy sentences.  Adjusting has been hard for me.  It's gotten harder the longer I've been back.  I've always considered myself to be a positive person, one that finds happiness easily in life and in most circumstances.  That's not how I feel right now.  I'm not that happy.  I don't know why I'm having a hard time, but I am.   It's not as if I had unrealistic idea's or expectations of America.  

This is hard and I'm not really enjoying it.  I don't want to just stuff it all and pretend like everything is fine when it isn't.

I talked to two people on the phone today that were really encouraging.  They helped me refocus.  They both prayed for me.  They both loved me up a bit, in a good way.

I realized today that I've kinda unintentionally been avoiding talking to the people that might actually be of help to me because they might ask good questions that I just don't know the answer to.

6 days left.....

Wow. I'm done with school. Today was the last day of school, and it was a half day at that. I certainly feel ready to be done with teaching, but I don't feel like I'm ready to leave. I leave in 6 days. Today, one of my girls, Isabella, asked if I was going to be their teacher next year in eighth grade. I told her I was going home, that I only had a one year contract.

I've just started to get to know them better, and it's just too bad that it's only recently that I've gotten closer to them, and now school is over and I have to go.

It still hasn't hit me that I'll be leaving. I know I leave in 6 days, but it doesn't feel like it. It seems like I'll do my grades, turn them in, and start the next quarter shortly thereafter.

The other night my class had a Yokwe party (yokwe means hello, goodbye, and love. In this case it was "goodbye"). They sang to me in Marshallese (I have no idea what they were saying, but it was still sweet), then they came up to me one by one and presented their gifts to meand either shook my hand or hugged me. Next it was my turn to make a little speech: I told them I won't forget them, that I love them, that I've been blessed to be able to teach them......I got the littlest bit choked up, but I don't think anyone knew.

Today I was in my classroom when the second grade teacher came up to my door crying. I asked what was wrong and she told me that all her students were crying, so I went over to her classroom. I opened the door and every kid was wailing. It sounded like someone had just died. I told her I'd take care of it (not yet knowing what I was going to do). She left, and I told all the kids to come sit with me in the middle of the classroom. They came out from the corners and out from under their desks to come sit next to me, or on me. I started talking to them, and told them that they'd get to see Ms. Kriss in heaven, that it's okay to miss their teacher and that she'd miss them too, and blahblah.....sorry, I'm a little lazy at the moment, and I have a graduation to get to. So, in the end they were all fine, and I prayed with them, and then they went outside to play and have fun the rest of the day with their teacher.

more later...

4/21/08

Last night the internet was surprisingly fast, which allowed me to look at pictures on my friends MySpace spreads. It made me a bit depressed actually. People have been having SO much fun, while I've been here. I've had fun too, but not seemingly as much as they.
I feel a little bit crazy for signing up for this. I'm glad I'm here. I have to keep telling myself this. BUt I kinda feel like God owes me, owes me a bunch of fun for all this labor. I realize that's quite an egocentric and ungrateful feeling, but that's how I feel.
I'm really, ready to go home, so much so that I'm having to think in days now. Just get through today. I used to think in months and weeks, and getting through months or weeks was no problem, but now I'm having to focus on smaller chunks of time. Eight weeks ago, 13 weeks seemed like nothing, nada, zilch. Now, five weeks seems like perpetuity. I know I'm dramatic.
Last night I thought to myself that were I given the choice to leave without further ado, I would.
But now I don't think I would. I know I'm going to enjoy these last 5 weeks.
Heck, I know myself well enough to know that shortly after I get back to the States, I'll wish I was back here.

4/19/08

Hello. It has been a while.
Well, for those of you that have tried calling me with no avail, fret no further - my phone now works. I, an alleged technological guru, forgot to see if my phone sported a speaker phone, which it does, so please call and I'll actually be able to hear you now.
I now have only 4 and a half weeks of school, and boy am I excited! Though I like teaching more than I used to, I'm still ready to be done. Teaching academics isn't my favorite. I expect that if I thought more of academics myself, perhaps I might see more value in me being a teacher, but I don't. I do think education and scholastic instruction is important, but I don't think I'm the one to do it. It's just not for me, not for now.
I was pondering several weeks ago about how it's unlike what I thought it would be here. I expected the students to appreciate the Student Missionaries, and show more interest in us. I suppose that because they get a new lot of teachers each year, the students have begun to take us for granted. I imagine it's easier for them if they don't get close to us because, inevitably, we'll all leave, and how much less painful it will be at the end of each year when they've never allowed themselves to get close to us. I wish it wasn't this way, but it is. As much as I desire friendship with my students, I don't sense that happening.

So, this picture is where I thought I was going to be going, but didn't. The family that offered me the buddy pass flaked out on me :( So, instead I stayed here and was sick with the stomach flu :( I haven't blogged in a long time because I haven't really felt like it. I'll try to catch you up in as few words as possible: I have 7 more weeks of school, and will be flying home in about 8 and one half weeks. The odd thing is that I'm really looking forward to it. It's only odd because I usually don't miss things very much,. I really enjoy teaching now. I didn't much care for break - mostly because I was bored and sick, and not it Hawaii - but, I would rather have been teaching. If you've tried calling me, I'm sorry. My phone isn't working well so I can't hear a thing anyone is saying. I can't think of anything else at the moment.

3/16/08

I found a way for anyone to send me free text messages to my cellphone. Go to: www.ntamar.net and click "SEND TXT MESSAGE TO MOBILE" in the middle of the page. Then type in any email address (it doesn't even have to be a real email, it just requires that you enter one), then enter my number: 455-6258, then type me a message. It's free to you and free to me.

From my journal:
2/21/08
"Something cool just happened in the computer lab. The internet was down again when I went in to use it while my kids were at PE. I sat, waiting awhile for the internet to miraculously start working. It still wouldn't work. So I laid down on the bench I was sitting on and waited. I didn't have much else to do, or possibly more truthfully, anything else I wanted to do. Finally, it connected for a couple seconds, just long enough to open the Gmail homepage, then stopped working again. I prayed, 'God, am I just wasting time? If there's an email that is important enough, make the internet work." Just then, my email loaded faster than it ever had before. There wasn't anything very important in my mailbox, but it really made me think about just how much God likes to answer our prayers, and make us happy.....even in something as small as opening email."

Not having a camera has made it hard to show you pictures, so I got a few from some other people. You can click them to make them bigger...

Taradactle, this is for you.

Tara, I thought I might as well answer your question here.

Yes, I do think I'll be at Mivoden this summer. Are you going to be there too?

Background: I just found out last week that I will most likely be working at camp!! Gymnastics and Lifeguarding!! Yahoo. Two of my favorites. (I think any job at Camp Mivoden would be a favorite, it's that great of a place!)

I got another package today, this one from my Grandma Henry!! (thank you).
Here are some darn interesting facts for ya:

• Whenever I get a package, I take everything out spread it all out on my bed to get a really good look at it all--to take it all in. Then I wish I could take a picture of it.
• I've made my bed everyday* since lived here (*I'm sure there were a few days...)

For those of you that think 4 four sentences isn't sufficient, this is for you (and everybody else, to be fair)

For an update: My sister called me on Sunday and set up a time for today (Tues.) so that we could talk. I was buying groceries when she called, so we didn't get to talk too much or get too deep, but it was still really nice. I got a really big box today, from my uncle bubba and aunt dawn-marie. All kinds of amazing things. A lot of healthy snacks and cereal(!), and nuts, and all kinds of stuff (all of which I REALLY like. I just don't know how they be so good! THANKYOU bubba and dawn!). Two of my grandmas called me in the last week, which, even though the conversations were short, was really nice.
Friday: Today was so much fun! Today, while we were reading The Hummingbird King, a short story in our Literature book, there was a part in the story that was very, very tense. Seriously every student was paying attention, and was very interested in this story! It was amazing. I was reading out loud as I sometimes do to help them understand stories, when the perfect opportunity arose. Right at the climax of the story, I yelled (quite loud), scaring every single student! It was the funniest thing ever. They all started laughing because I had gotten them so good! Today, we went to the library for our scheduled time on Friday, and they were so good. They actually followed directions. It surprised and amazed me. I made sure to note this (I wrote it down so I couldn't forget) and then told them how good they had done.
Sunday: I had a really nice weekend. After school on Friday, after attending funeral stuff for our secretarys dad, myself and 5 other guys went to the bridge ("the bridge" because there's only one bridge) to go fishing. I used a little piece of string tied to my hand, and caught 3 fish! A blue one, and bright red one, and a boring one (boring in color).
Sabbath I wasn't feeling very good, so I slept through most of church, then got up and read till later in the afternoon. In the afternoon we again went to Sylvias for more funeral stuff, then us guys left to go for a walk. We walked downtown which is maybe 4 miles away. On the way back, it was dark and a bit late, so I said we should hitch, which I very much like to do. you never know who's gonna pick you up! So exciting! Anyways, a policeman gave us a ride in the back of his pickup, and took us home. All weekend the internet has been down in Delap, so Sunday night Korrisa (2nd grade teacher) and I walked 5 or 6 miles to Rita where the only other internet place is. Then we hitched back!
Moday: I've found and decided that I prefer to read only one book at a time rather than 5 or 6 at a time, which is how I used to read. When I read one book at a time, I finish a book much quicker (imagine that!). You see, I really like finishing books. I feel a sense of accomplishment: as if I'm a warrior that has just conquered a city. Maybe even to the same extent! When I finish a book, I move it to the other side of the shelf where all the other "conquered" books lie on top of another. Maybe that conquered pile of books could more accurately be called a "stack of pride," but I don't know. I like to see at a glance what I've accomplished.
Something to remember: "sharing is caring."
Tuesday: Last Friday I started something new. I invited a student over for lunch, which I now plan on doing every week. It is by invitation only, but everyone will get a turn. I just want to get to know my students better and build a better friendship with them. On Friday, I pray that God will direct me to invite the right srudent over for lunch. We'll see how it goes.
When Myciefer came over on Friday, I made him lunch and told him we could sit on a bed, if he wanted, or on the couch. He plopped down right on the floor, perfectly content. It was a little thing, but a pretty big example to me of contentment.
Here's something new, and down right interesting........I now like pecans. (thank you bubba and dawn. without that bag of pecans you sent me, i never would have started to like pecans!)

It's Thursday. I really enjoyed today. I had fun. I enjoyed teaching for the first time in a while.

Toga Party

Two Sabbaths ago, while sitting in church, David and I decided that we wanted to put together a party, so I suggested it be a Toga Party. It was supposed to start at 7pm, but it ended up starting at 9! Everything here starts late. We ate, played music, danced around (of course), and took pictures. It was pretty fun! We thought that in a couple weeks we'd organize another party.

This last week, I have:
-watched the basketball and volleyball championships
-found out I can live off-campus next year for sure! yahoo!
- that's pretty much it (actually I just wanted to fill the space next to the pictures, and now I've done that, so I'm done)