Thursday, March 25, 2010

Thursday

Sometimes I just don't know how I can continue. I'll explain.
Today I opened my Majuro box to try and find something I thought might be in there. I ended up going through everything (which is something I usually try to avoid too often). I read a bunch of their journals: about funny things that happened in class, short stories they wrote, 'fessing up to things, funny little pictures about me and my then significant other, pictures the second graders would draw or color for me. It breaks my heart. I still feel everything so deeply. I can't go through that box, even now, almost two years later, without sobbing.
I watched a little video clip I took walking to campus the last day of school, and it's hard to believe that that was me, and that I made that walk every day for almost a year. It still feels dreamy, and not real. I know I took that video, but it feels like I couldn't have, being so far removed now.
I just don't know if this is how it will always be. I wonder if I'll always have to avoid looking at too many of my pictures of my time there, and.....i don't know. Thinking about Majuro makes me fragile. I miss my students more than I thought I possibly could.

7 comments:

freedom said...

Sending you positive energy :)

freedom said...

i know you don't know me...but your post has been lingering in my head ever since i read it. You changed lives. You truly loved with all that you had, and the love you have for them still remains in your heart. You are an amazing person. No tears of sadness my friend. If you must cry, cry because of joy. cry because you know that you helped shape lives. I am positive that they will never forget the impact that you had on them. Just like you can't imagine ever forgetting them.

Mike said...

Hello,

Your blog has been recommended to us as a interviewee's favorite blog!

We would like to do an interview with you about your blog for Blog
Interviewer. We'd
like to give you the opportunity to
give us some insight on the "person behind the blog."

It would just take a few minutes of your time. The interview form can
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Best regards,

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Emily Star said...

i remember at the sm welcome back retreat, they said that one thing that i think would help me. it was to write thank-you notes to all those who were close to you there--they said that sometimes we feel so strongly missing feelings tied with guilt feelings because we left them over there--just left and the ends were not tied up--loose ends. they also said to write apology notes to those you felt you had let down. i still need to do it. you were an awesome teacher--i just feel it.

Mike said...

Your blog has been recommended to us as a interviewee's favorite blog!

We would like to do an interview with you about your blog for Blog
Interviewer. We'd
like to give you the opportunity to
give us some insight on the "person behind the blog."

It would just take a few minutes of your time. The interview form can
be submitted online here Submit your
interview
.

Best regards,

Mike Thomas

Heather said...

You're a good one Tyler. This isn't easy, it may never be. But the good thing is life can continue to be filled with these moments and people and experiences that make moving on more bearable.

Be well.

Mika said...

Hi there Tyler! I stumbled and found your blog by chance. And I liked it. It makes me think "I shouldn't be reading this, it's so personal". Then again I guess my blog is as well, quite often at least. I haven't got a life-altering comment to give, except for Thank you. Your words made me feel good and connected and after all, that is often enough for us people.

Keep on writing!